Merriam-Webster offers a slew of definitions for “independent.” In this post, I’m referring the adjective that means:
Not dependent such as:
– not requiring or relying on something else
– not looking to others for one’s opinions or for guidance in conduct
– not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood)
If you’re feeling like your independent mojo could use a boost, I hope I can help.
As a single parent and a serial entrepreneur, I’ve had no choice but to learn how to be more independent—and to do a lot of things on my own.
Wait, let me rephrase that. I DID have a choice.
I made the choice to start my own business(es) because I didn’t want to work in a 9 to 5 job.
And I also made the choice to become a single parent (more on that later).
I knew that if I wanted to make the most out of the life I’d created for myself, I needed to be able to rely on myself more, rather than always looking to others for opinions and guidance.
I think I’ve always had an independent spirit. But I didn’t always have the courage or self-confidence to act on it. It took effort for me to learn how to be more independent!
Over the years (er, decades), I’ve started making more decisions on my own. Business decisions, parenting decisions, financial decisions, and run-of-the-mill, everyday life decisions. Things like:
– Should I allow my (then-5-year-old) daughter to wear a strapless crop top, embroidered jean shorts, 1-1/2” espadrille sandals, and a bright pink head scarf to the first day of kindergarten? Or dampen her own independent spirit, and make her change into something a bit less Coachella?
– Should I invest $10K for an online business course?
– Should I move back to California from Colorado?
– What software should I use for invoicing my clients?
– Should we take a 2-week vacation even if it means my daughter will miss four days of school and a couple volleyball practices?
– Should I form an LLC for my business or remain a sole proprietor?
Decision-making, of course, is just one factor in becoming more independent.
In my decadeslong journey to becoming more independent, I’ve also learned how to DO more things for myself. Again, this goes for both the business and the personal stuff.
Some examples of things I’ve learned how to do:
- Build an “out-of-the-box” website on Weebly
- Snake a clogged bathroom sink
- Shovel snow efficiently, without breaking my back (being born and raised in California, this was a big challenge for me)
- Register a business and apply for a DBA and an EIN
- Braid my daughter’s hair in a BAZILLION different styles (I watched a LOT of online videos)
Importantly, I’ve also learned to ask for help and/or hire others (e.g. plumber, accountant, business coach) when it makes sense to do so.
I feel like I could write an entire book on how to become more independent.
But for this blog post, I’m going to focus on the story of how I came up with my basic formula for how to become more independent.
It’s a super simple formula to remember. But alas, the implementation part takes ongoing work. *sigh*
Table of Contents
Why Entrepreneurs Must Learn to Be More Independent
If you’re on this Grab Your Happy blog, you’re likely an entrepreneur—or an aspiring entrepreneur.
And as an entrepreneur, you’ll have a very hard time succeeding if you can’t solve problems, make decisions, and take action without relying on other people’s opinions, guidance, and/or validation.
You need to figure out how to become your own boss. Being independent is a huge part of that.
Unfortunately, many aspiring entrepreneurs, and women in particular, inadvertently sabotage their business success because they lack the courage and/or confidence to be more independent.
In short, learning how to be more independent is vital to your entrepreneurial success.
And with entrepreneurial success comes wealth, freedom, fulfillment—and joy in so many aspects of life.
It takes work. But it’s soooo worth it!
When I Finally Learned How to Be More Independent
Here’s the abbreviated version of the period of my life when I truly learned how to become more independent.
I was 36 years old. I wasn’t married. And my biological clock was TICKING. LIKE. THIS!
So I decided to have a baby on my own.
By my calculations, there just wasn’t time to hold out in the hopes of falling in love, getting married (or not), and then getting pregnant—all within a timeline that worked for me. So I took the leap to have a baby on my own (“friend/donor” for those of you who must know).
But wait, there’s more!
I’d just launched a new business with a friend only six months earlier (a prepared meal delivery service; more on that here).
To most people, deciding to have a baby on my own—not to mention doing so at the same time I was in the early stages of a new business venture—probably seemed wildy irresponsible, risky, selfish, and/or just plain stupid.
But the thing is, I KNEW it was the right decision for me.
What seemed riskier and scarier was the alternative. Waiting it out “just a bit longer” to see if I would meet the man of my dreams, get married, have a family, and live happily ever—while risking the chance that it would happen too late, or not at all.
Any feeling or societal pressures about being a “single mom by choice” (it’s a real term, as I learned after the fact), was fully ECLIPSED by my desire to be a mom.
As for the business venture, it was the same underlying feeling.
Any fears, trepidation, and feelings of insecurity I’ve ever had about starting my own business have paled in comparison to the thought of working a 9 to 5 job.
Having a baby at that time was by far the best decision I’ve ever made, or ever will make for that matter. My crowning glory in life.
And my decision to start the meal delivery business changed the course of my life for the better, as well.
My business partner and I sold our gourmet meal delivery business after just two years. My daughter was a toddler at that time, and more than ever before, I knew I didn’t want to enter the corporate world and get a 9 to 5 job.
I needed to figure out a way to make a good income, working from home, on my own time schedule.
In the end, the convergence of those two actions—starting the gourmet meal delivery business and deciding to have a baby—drove me to launch my online copywriting business. Which has allowed me to be my own boss, earn six-figures a year, and work just 20-30 hours per week.
3 Steps for Becoming More Independent
Becoming independent feeds on itself.
With each new step you take to become more independent—whether it’s making a big decision or figuring out a problem on your own—you grow a bit. You learn from your wins. But you learn even more from your missteps and setbacks.
And as you grow, you gain even more confidence and courage. Which empowers you to be even more independent, more often.
But here’s the kicker.
In order to be truly independent—and to achieve all the benefits and joy that come from controlling your own life path—you need to be able to follow your own inner compass. You need to understand what you want and why.
In short, you need to become self-aware.
Which brings me to my formula for becoming more independent.
Drumroll please . . .
Action + Self-Awareness + Confidence = A MORE INDEPENDENT YOU
The first step to becoming more independent is simply to take action.
Don’t put it off.
Push yourself ever-so-slightly outside your comfort zone. For example, make small but firm decisions throughout your day, then build up to bigger ones as your “independent” muscles grow.
Keep it up! Start making more decisions, doing more things, and solving more problems on your own.
And next time you think about asking someone how to do something (or asking someone to do something for you), take a moment to think about if it’s something worth figuring out on your own.
The more you trust and rely on yourself for answers and guidance, the more self-aware you’ll become—and the more confidence you’ll have in the choices you make and the actions you take.
Combine those three things, and voilà! You’ve become more independent.
Being Independent Gets Easier Over Time
Each time you take an independent action you’ll become more self-aware and more self-confident. And as you gain more self-awareness and self-confidence, you’ll find it easier to do more things independently. Stick with it, and you’ll start seeing exponential results.
Thank you for this post!
Thank you for reading it!